My Last Drink...

...Of Milk!

My world was turned upside down this afternoon.  As you all know Emily is SMALL, and fussy and well she has never really had a "normal" breast milk stool.  I have wondered for a few months now if this was all related and something more was going on.  With a nursing background I tend to worry about alot of stuff I probably don't need to and over think things sometimes.  I worry she does not get enough hind breast milk, I worry about one of her eyes, and a whole list of things...I often tell Paul things like oh Em waves around her left arm more, I wonder if it is more dominant OR she is waving it around because she has less control over it and it is not as strong and can not properly use it!  Paul just answers "I'm not concerned" and that is usually enough to bring me back to reality :).  So I have wondered if she had a milk protein allergy because of some of the things going on, but the main symptom (bloody stools) she was without so I just told myself I was over thinking things and she was fine. 

This morning she had a stool that was more mucous and had some flecks of what looked like blood in it, and the same with the second stool, and the third was mostly mucous and some stool but no visible blood.  I brought her into out pediatrician.  She was diagnosed to have a milk protein allergy based on her symptoms of being fussy, and low weight, and they did a test in the office to look for blood in the stool and it was positive.  It is very uncommon for babies to have occult (hidden) blood in their stools with this condition.  But if you know Emily you know she is not common :)   So to explain her condition quickly, basically she is allergic to the protein in milk and unable to break it down, this irritates the GI tract (the irritation causes the bloody stools).  We were told she has had this condition since day one. 

On a brighter note, this is something that can be treated.  And in the big picture it is not the end of the world.  It is something that can be treated.  Emily will need a special formula, or I eliminate all Dairy, Soy, Whey, and Casein from my diet.  When first presented with this option I thought I could never do that and felt selfish for just wanting to give up on breastfeeding.  After visiting our local natural food store I found many options and I really think it will be possible to continue breastfeeding.  My plan currently is to give Emily formula to get her feeling better as soon as possible and for me to adopt this new diet and pump milk and dump it until I am comfortable with the diet and feel like it is safe for Emily to nurse again.  I plan on this taking about a week. 

I feel horrible for saying/complaining at times that she is a fussy baby, I now know she has been in PAIN.  It explains why she does not sleep well, she is just uncomfortable ALL THE TIME.  And if those things don't make me feel like the worlds worst mom her weight was checked today and she really has not gained anything since her 4 month well child visit.  She has only gained one pound in two months.  And I feel so so so very bad that I did not realize that.